I am in Provo.....and I am sick.....and though exhaustion racks my body, my mind is alive and alert from the stress of knowing I have so much to do, and yet another day has passed with me barely touching it as it flees on by.
Summer was a change in my life. I made a true income, I spent like I made a true income, I loved and lost, and then I loved again. My faith was tested, my resolve changed, my empathy grew, my sadness magnified ten times, and my soul ached. I have tasted bitterness and I have not been able to let its taste leave my mind or heart. I have cried and smiled more than ever before...and so much passion led to this..... the faster moments of my life.
I am in law school, and every day is a blur of activity. I learn so much to only realize that the knowledge is fleeting and not staying with me. I have never felt like there wasn't enough time to do what needs to be done, but I do now. I have never felt like I wasn't intelligent, but now I feel humble and as average as any other man. This experience has broken what resolve I had left, and now I am trying to piece back together a dream of what I want in the future?
Do I want to be an attorney? Do I want to live in Montana? Who do I want to be with for the rest of my life? So many questions, and so few answers.....and I need to slow down. Life is meant to be experienced, but the guiding comes from God.....
I need to sleep, and I will try now, for 6 hours, then another full day. I need to write more often, to tell about taking my friend to the MTC, about rodeos, new loves, my schooling, and above all about my testimony of life and God's purpose therein for each of us to fulfill. How wonderful it is to know we are not alone, to know our moments are measured above. How reassuring to have a prophet who gives direct communication to a world who needs a second witness of what God teaches through prayer. I am truly blessed.
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