Juxtaposed Priorities

Whenever we feel we have the world at our feet, and that finally our destiny is within our control, we seem to experience a paradigm shift, where we suddenly find ourselves scrambling once again for what is important and what is meaningful. I had a paradigm shift recently, and though disconcerting and humbling it was, it added a depth of meaning to my life.
I recently went on a trip to Washington D.C. It was like memory lane, and I remembered my last visit there when we were visiting the Pentagon because my father was retiring from the Army Reserves and his job at the Pentagon. As we flew into Washington, and the epicenter for what is America I felt at peace, this is where I had always wanted to be. I had never felt at ease in Montana on the ranch. Though I loved the ease with which Governor Creek meanders through our land, and the beauty of the green valley dotted with the occasional bovine grazing, I have always desired a faster lifestyle. My mode of speech is fast, my manner of doing any form of work is quick and efficient and I was always told that it was my responsibility to do something with the gifts I had been given. I always assumed that meant that to give the meaning to my life that my family expected, we are an over achieving family (both my father and aunt were world champions in their respective sport of shooting) , I was to be someone that would bring great honor and glory to the name. My grandfather had been told once his grandson would be a politician, and so all the life time of my own expectations came to me as I came to Washington D.C. on a first step to a lifetime. I was only looking for an internship, but it would be the opening to a great future.
The trip was amazing, and the people were what I expected. Society, despite the inefficiency of our government, runs so smoothly as everyone is caught up in their own world of what needs to be done. The competency of the individual and quiet confidence inspired me to greater heights of imagination and dreams. I remarked jokingly that I would give my soal to be in D.C. and go to graduate school there. Yes, I had found what I desired.
This blog is not meant to speak about the rest of the trip, but rather about the juxtaposition I have now found my priorities. With lofty dreams and a body overly exhausted, the plane ride back to Salt Lake City was uneventful, but for one moment of clarity. It was past 10, and across the aisle from me was a family coming home from Disney World. I could see the stuffed animals, and the large family were all joking with each other. Nestled between the mother and father was a child that seemed out of place. They were a typical white family, but here was the most beautiful little Asian girl. With wide eyes she kept getting out of her seat and calling for her father and then would nestle into his lap with her small arms around his chest. My dreams were shattered as I silently observed true meaning. What have I been building my life towards?
I think God is trying to teach me a lesson. My schooling is almost done. I have one more semester and I will likely walk in December before my internship. Have I wasted all my education? My accolades would speak differently with a 3.95 GPA, multiple extracurriculars, hours upon hours of productive work accomplished in any number of different occupations, and even my callings were all fulfilled to a great extent....how could Ihave failed, I have led an exemplary college career, and I am ready for the next move to graduate school. But, all those accomplishments, every compliment on my intelligence and how far I would go in life meant nothing as I saw a little girl trust her father implicitly. What matters in life? It won't be the my great career, no matter how amazing I find myself or even the world finds me. I have shunned multiple opportunities to date and pursue relationships simply because they were beneath me. The countless reasons for such cold reception to intimacy is for another time, but what my paradigm shift did was show me that I have quickly run out of time. I don't need to be married, I am not a product of a culture of my religion that dictates when and what I should do, but rather I am worried I have lost the chance at something that gives true meaning, and that is a family.
For all the successes in life, they are all negated by failure in the home. Perhaps priorities must be changed so that instead of simply focusing my desire on my career, I focus it instead on someone who with I can start a family. I am not looking to get married, but perhaps it is time to actually start considering relationships. In the end, the meaning my family always has pushed me to have is not the glories of Washington, though they are great, but rather in the arms of a little boy or girl calling me father.