Make the most of it while the sun shines

Its way to early/late to be writing, but I can't sleep, so I'm on again self medicating with catharsis.

I am up in 4 1/2 hours for another LONG DAY of economics. Econometrics, Industrial Organization, Quantitative Methods, and Econ History of Thought. 3 papers due next monday, and a rought draft of a fourth due on next Friday. Then I have a test this week and another next week and a project worth 20% of my grade due next Tuesday. I just don't feel like I will ever have completel control, until maybe the end of the semester. Then its LSAT prep for six weeks, and job shadowing with an attorney and spending what will likely be my last summer at home, and filing out grad school applications.

All of this melee of work and the end of the tunnel not looking nearly so bright as it does far away and dull, I have decided that when it rains it pours, and when the sunshines we make the best of it....but I don't know if that is always the best.

I have a good friend that when things are going good....oh there is no stopping him. The world works perfectly and he sees in the all the misfortunes of before the hand of providence guiding him and leading him to this perfect point where he has the world in his command. Ironically, I feel the same way, so often I feel as though the world is mine to command as I review my life and my goals and see them two meshing perfectly to create a world where I find myself invincible. We make the most of it while the sunshines, and then reality strikes. We live in an imperfect world, where the imperfections force us to grow and allow us an opportunity to form a personality and exercise choice. Then while it rains it pours. My friend feels life is never fair as one bad moment destroys his life. For him, it is always girls that destroy his world. Things didn't work out the right way, and so he is not only saddened, but he forgets all the good he just experienced. When I am finding myself struggling under the load of homework, grading, tutoring, my calling in the church, and relationships....I forget as well the glories of my life, all the accolades and plans that I have planned come to naught, and only the moment where I am lost matters.

We are such short sighted creatures, where the ebbs and flows of life throw us in a vicious cycle, and all we know and experience is the now, and the eternity of our life is forgotten. My life is not measured in teh moments of today, or in the extreme fatigue I will feel tomorrow as I go to class with little sleep. My life instead is the aggregate of all those moments together, over the course of a lifetime and then summed and explained as a unique human experience. We focus to much on the present and forget the grand tapestry of our lives. We need to make the most of our life as the sunshines...and then we need to make the most out of the rain while it pours...we need to instead of relishing in lack of hindrance and bemoaning challenges, look in every situation for the opportunity to enhance the human experience.

I have loved my life, ever single part. I regret so many decisions, but I cherish what I learned from those regrettable choices. My human experience has been great, even to those moments most filled with sorrow and compared with the ones of pure elation. I am the sum total of my life, and whenever I feel too down, OR to happy I simply remember the entire experience and find the proper perspective. The perspective of the past/present/future, and within that context I find how to act. Things are never as good as we think, or as bad as we feel....they are always somewhere in the middle. My father always told me this....and strangely, like so much he said....he was right.